“The New Office Machine”

An office. Harvey Korman plays the serious office manager. Tim Conway plays the new maintenance guy sent to fix a mysterious machine.

Harvey Korman (manager, annoyed):
Mr. Johnson, this machine has been broken for three days. Corporate says you’re the best technician they have.

Tim Conway (slow, confident):
Oh I am. Absolutely. Fixed hundreds of these.

Harvey:
Good. Because nobody in this office can make copies anymore.

Tim:
Copies? Oh… this is a copier?

Harvey:
Yes. That’s what the giant word “COPIER” on the front means.

Tim (leaning close, whispering):
I thought that meant cop. I figured it was some kind of police equipment.

Harvey:
Why would we have police equipment in an insurance office?!

Tim:
You’d be surprised what people insure these days.

(Tim opens the machine and pulls out random objects.)

Tim:
Well here’s your problem.

Harvey:
What is it?

Tim (holding up a sandwich):
Somebody left lunch in the toner compartment.

Harvey:
That’s impossible.

Tim:
Oh no wait… that’s my lunch. Never mind.

(Tim presses random buttons. The copier makes loud noises.)

Harvey:
What did you just do?!

Tim:
I made a test copy.

(Machine spits out dozens of papers rapidly.)

Harvey:
That’s not a test! That’s a disaster!

Tim (examining paper):
Hmm.

Harvey:
What now?

Tim:
Well… good news and bad news.

Harvey:
What’s the good news?

Tim:
The copier works.

Harvey:
And the bad news?

Tim:
It only copies my lunch.

(Papers show copies of the sandwich.)

Harvey (trying not to laugh):
Mr. Johnson… you’re fired.

Tim (cheerfully):
Great! Does that mean I can keep the sandwich copies?